The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
