Need sex. Gaining weight.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Randomize
