Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
