its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
