I puked a lego.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
