Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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