i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How does one acquire holy water?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
