I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
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