hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
