He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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