I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
