I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I would ride that face into the sunset
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
