I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
