I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
