seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
