the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
