How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
