I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
