I want to stick my p in your. b.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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