We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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