so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
