she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
