i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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