I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
