Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
