There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
