Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
