I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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