I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
