I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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