Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
