you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
