Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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