This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
