took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I stole a fireplace last night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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