Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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