i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
