It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
