I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
