he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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