he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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