So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
