she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
why do cheetos always look like penises
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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