nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
