Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
