she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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