i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
