i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
