I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
