Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Did you just see the Batmobile???
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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