dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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