Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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