Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
