On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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